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Will I Ever Find My Other Half? - Dada

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August 1st, 2003

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04:05 pm - Will I Ever Find My Other Half?
Once again, I sit in my home, all alone, with no one but myself and my computer to talk to. I watched a movie today, one that moved me quite a bit. It's called Hedwig and the Angry Inch. It's about a transvestite rock singer. Anyway, it moved me because he's constantly searching for his other half. The movie puts forth the theory that we were all split from our other halves when the gods grew scared of us. I see a lot of my qualities mirrored in him; just as he searches for his other half, it is clear that I must find my other half. But is it a he or a she? What does this person look like? Identical to me? Or somehow complimentary? Does my other half have what I don't? Did he get the looks? The luck? The love? Were we really separated forcibly? Or did he just run off with the good stuff? Or did I? Will this person embarass me? What about sex? Is that how we put ourselves back together again? Or can two people actually become one again? If so, can we still use the carpool lane? These questions and more burn at the back of my mind on a daily basis. Lonliness is not the path I want to walk, but what is there that I can do about it? I'm just an "Internationally Ignored Song-Stylist", just like Hedwig; I bear no unique qualities, aside from my voice, and many would argue that it is NOT one of my better qualities. My image is but a copy of the person I idolize. As it stands now, I have little to no future. I have no job, no gigs, no band, no friends. Luckily I paid off my apartment back when I was actually doing something with my life. When I leave my apartment, people run up to me. I used to get excited by this; perhaps I still had fans out there! But I've come to realize that they just think I'm Mana. And when I tell them I'm not, the glint of happiness leaves their eyes, and they walk away. The look of a young person's hopes being crushed is mirrored inside myself every time I go to an audition. My voice is too "unique", they say. "Can you play any instruments?" they ask. Will I ever make anything of myself again? Will I ever find my other half? Will I ever even make friends? At least there's a party coming up next weekend that I can look forward to. Although, once again, I will just be "Internationallly Ignored".... But who knows? Opportunity often chooses strange times to knock...

((OOC: I know I posted a little while ago, but I revised it and reposted this post. It may look the same, but there's a few differences in it.))
Current Mood: lonelylonely

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[User Picture]
Date:August 2nd, 2003 10:05 pm (UTC)
i think you find. only believe, and want! u must!!

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