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I fear... - Dada

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October 11th, 2003

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11:23 pm - I fear...
I fear I ruined my chances at being friends with Mana... We talked on the phone for a little a while back, but I got cut off and never called him back... *sigh* Ah well, another day, another prospective (and past) friendship that is to never blossom... In better news, I've begun to sing again, albeit alone, but I'm working on my voice. I realize that the reason Velvet Eden never got anywhere was my voice. I was the downfall of my own work. I'm considering getting voice lessons too. Perhaps I can't be helped though. I got a job woking at a new store that opened up at my local mall. It's a gothy-alternative-punky-ish clothing store. I'm working there full time as an assistant manager. They're completely cool with the way I dress. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's how I got the job. lol Wow... I actually laughed there. That's something I haven't done in quite some time... I'm suprised I still know how to do it. Anyway, I really like my job, but it's not what I love doing. I want to perform again. Be on the stage. Under the lights. I miss that. I miss the gleam of recognition I used to see in people's eyes when they came to a show. I... I miss it all. I miss my bandmates. I miss the roadies. I miss the few friends I had. I feel so alone, with only beerchan here to keep me company. I want human companionship. Not neccisarily a boyfriend or girlfriend. Just a friend. It seems that everytime I begin to get close to someone, I screw it up and lose all chances of a friendship. As I listen to my old songs, the blackened tears race down my face to fall upon my already black dress. I fear. Yes, I fear being alone. I live my fear...
Current Mood: lonelylonely
Current Music: Sad Mask

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